Bienvenidos a mi país
Here's a proposal that could make our country happier, calmer, safer and more wonderful, and will infuriate millions of my countrymen for no good reason. We should make Spanish our second national language.
Most countries have more than one national language. Switzerland has four: German, French, Italian and Romansh; a fifth, *Schwiizerdütsch, *is a widely used group of Swiss German dialects.
Canada's national languages are English and French.
Belgium has three: Dutch, French and German.
Finland's national languages are Finnish and Swedish.
The Netherlands' official language is Dutch, but nearly everyone there speaks English.
Vietnam's official language is Vietnamese, but to graduate from high school you have to show proficiency in English. I learned this from a friend who recently spent three months in Vietnam. Many high school students approached him on the street, carrying a tape recorder or accompanied by a teacher. They had to converse with him in English to graduate from high school.
What a brilliant national plan. He made a lot of friends that way. I still get emails from some of his students, in charming English.
Singapore has four national languages: English, Malay, Mandarin and Tamil.
India recognizes 22 languages in its constitution, in addition to Hindi and English as official languages.
An African-American friend I made in the dog park speaks six languages, most of which I did not know existed, until our dogs got along.
Multilingualism does not pose or create any problems for any country, or for any one.
Anyone who has lived abroad knows that becoming multilingual sharpens your mind, broadens your perspective, improves your attitude, helps you make friends, puts pep in your step and qualifies you for a wide range of jobs you could not get if you were monolingual.
It improves your prospects of finding a husband or wife.
Everything I have said in this column so far is beyond dispute.
What's more, if you are monolingual, you are not entitled to dispute it.
Sources differ, but roughly 50 million Spanish speakers live in the United States. We have more Spanish speakers than any other country in the world except Mexico. We have about as many Spanish speakers as Spain.
Why then, were my proposal to become widely known, would it infuriate millions of people? I don't have to prove that: You know it as well and ill as I do.
Roughly 30% of the people in California and Texas speak Spanish at home: more than 20 million people. Another 5 million Spanish speakers live in Florida. Add another 2.5 million in New Mexico and Arizona. And that's just five states.
Spanish already is the de facto second language of those states, and others. That is indisputable, and why would anyone want to dispute it?
Why would we not want to talk to these people — including politicians, grubbing for votes — and not want to hear them?
Roughly 150,000 Louisianians speak French, down from about 1 million 50 years ago. Yet you don't hear politicians yelping about Louisiana being "invaded" by Frenchmen.
Why is that?
You know it as well as I do: Racist white people.
Cajuns are white and Mexicans are brown.
Racism is crippling our country, from the hungry streets all the way down to the Supreme Court.
Why is racism still a problem here? First off, it's part of our national tradition; secondly, most racists are scared of things about which they know nothing; and finally, most racists are stupid.
Recognizing Spanish as our second national language could help heal our increasingly violent divisions and vicious lies; it could help educate an entire generation and generations to come; it would hurt no one; and if it did hurt a few million racists' feelings, so what?